The paradox of good decision making

The personal decision is always, and fundamentally, perceived to be arbitrary.  The decision I make, the one that comes out of personal reflection, out of thinking, out of me, the decision that does not come as a consequence of orientation in the system, that follows from the relationships that shape me instead of following on from the obvious and linear progression of the things around me--this is always going to appear to others to be arbitrary.

The arbitrary is not experienced, it is witnessed.  What I am doing is not without grounding; it only appears as such, because the ground is not present in the decision itself.

Making good decisions requires a questioning of the things that would lead my progress to appear consistent.  I should work hard to not be arbitrary, remembering that in doing so I will appear as such.  This is the paradox of good decision making.  Remembering that it is impossible to both seem and to be consistent at once makes it easier to live a life apparently filled with contradiction.